The glee club kink meme
by bumblebutter
Summary: Rachel stumbles across Jacob's blog and finds a link to a kink meme surrounding the members of the glee club. Various pairings alluded to


Title: The Glee Club Kink Meme.

Word Count: 3703

Rating: R

Pairings: Rachel/ Finn, Brittany/ Santana, Artie/ Tina, Mentions of a hell of a lot of other pairings, mostly of the crack variety.

Spoilers: You've seen the show right? Then you're good to go.

Summary: When Rachel finds a 'Glee Club Kink Meme' she and the rest of the club see more than they bargained for.

Typing 'Rachel Berry' into the Google search box, Rachel sat back and relaxed, waiting for the results.

Ever since New Directions loss at Regional's she'd been afraid of the bad press. What would happen to Rachel if one day a casting director found an article recalling how her team had came last in the 2010 show choir championships? They wouldn't hire her that's for sure. Rachel Berry was not a failure and she doubted the cast of 'Oklahoma' wanted a failure amongst their ranks.

She had decided to find all negative press and have one of her gay dad's take it off the web. They would do anything to secure Rachel's future success.

Rachel sighed, the first find was a link to you tube with the, now infamous, clip of her falling off the stage at her first tiny tot's competition. She had already asked, politely of course, for the video to be taken off but so far it hadn't. She had noticed however, that ever since Kurt had accidentally came across the video the number next to 'viewed' had increased exponentially. She wondered if he sat at home with the video on repeat, cackling away.

Skimming through the pages, Rachel re-discovered some of her past achievements such as the article in the 'The Lima Times' expressing their disbelief and wonder at Rachel placing first in the '1995, Ohio, Baby Ballerina' competition- she had just turned one at the time.

Sighing in delight that these stories were still accessible on the web, Rachel continued rooting through-

'… yet, the star performance of the night belonged to McKinley High's Rachel Berry for her breathtaking performance of 'Don't Rain on My Parade'…'

'… three year old Rachel Berry of Lima, Ohio, wows the crowd at the Luxurious locks competition with her impromptu tap dance routine…'

'… word has it, hot girl, Rachel Berry, was seen puking her guts out in the second floor girls bathroom. Could it be that star quarterback Finn Hudson has…'

Rachel stopped reading. After debating whether or not to follow the link she decided for it, who on earth would be writing about her and Finn?

Jacob Ben Israel. Of course.

Often corned after class by Jacob and his microphone, Rachel assumed he was just writing articles for the school newspaper and who better to ask than Rachel for opinions on school matters. She had, after all, ran for class president the previous year, showing a deep interest in school politics.

Of course, she had lost. To Quinn Fabrey, nonetheless.

As it turned out, Jacob was running a gossip site featuring all the hot news at McKinley, most of which featured her. It was natural of course, Rachel reeked of star potential and it was a fact that people were obsessed with the stars. Honestly, as gross as the majority of the news was -such as the post which informed everyone that Rachel had blown her nose on the 12th of October at exactly 1:30pm, accompanied with a picture of her used tissues, retrieved from the trash by Jacob himself- it was quite flattering.

It would give her practice for when she was famous, being followed by the paparazzi.

Alongside the news about Rachel there were news on other members of the Glee Club. It was to be expected of course. If Angelina Jolie was starring in a movie it was natural that the movie and it's co-stars would receive attention from the press as well.

Rachel skimmed through the headlines and was happy that her high profile relationship with Finn was hot news, even if Jacob did make numerous digs at his intelligence. She let out a slight huff of irritation, why didn't people get it? Finn wasn't stupid, he was actually quite deep- just on a level that not everyone else could understand.

Clicking on a random headline, Rachel sat back and read through an article on how Finn had been begging Rachel for a baby. Apparently, he was so depressed that Quinn had been lying about the paternity of her child as he had become extremely attached that Finn was now broody, the article ended by suggesting that Rachel had vowed to stay a virgin for Jacob and any child Rachel produced would come out with a jewfro. Rachel worked hard to fight back the bile in her throat.

She hesitated for a while, pondering on whether or not she should stay on the sight, she certainly didn't want to find any more suggestions that she and Jacob were secretly in love, it would damage the reputation she had begun to build up.

Moving her mouse in order to shut down the page, Rachel's attention was grabbed by a small link at the bottom of the blog site:

'The Glee Club Kink Meme- click here to read dirty stories about our favourite gleeks'.

Before she could stop herself, Rachel clicked on the link, her eyes squeezed shut in an attempt to prepare her for what could possibly be the most disgusting thing she would ever come across.

She slowly opened her eyes and peered at the page, it seemed innocent enough so far. Rachel began reading the paragraph at the top of the page, her expression growing more horrified as she went on:

"Welcome to the first Glee Club Kink Meme where you can prompt as many fic requests as possible about McKinley High's glee club. Remember, your prompts can be as vanilla as you like, such as Rachel/ Jacob- eating ice cream off of one another, or as dirty as you like, such as Rachel/Jacob- Dominatrix style, Rachel showing Jacob what a bad boy he really is. Also, each prompt has to include at least one member from the club. Have fun"

She couldn't believe it. This was a new level of depravity even for Jacob. Skimming through the first page of prompts Rachel was delighted to see that the meme seemed to have very little interest. Of course, as a star Rachel knew people would be lusting after her body but that was different from people like Jacob creating a page where people could write a story involving her dressed as a secretary and spanking Jacob before giving him a blowjob.

It seemed no body was replying to the prompts and Rachel felt much better about it. If anything, she was growing more intrigued and wondered if Finn would want to try some of these out.

Taking out a pen and pad Rachel began creating lists, one with the kinks she wanted to try with Finn and the other of kinks she needed to research. Seriously, what was pegging?

By the time Rachel reached the end of the page her list was already half full so she clicked the link to the next page and stopped in her tracks at the first prompt:

'Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabrey. Quinn's pornographic drawings of Rachel are really to hide her secret lust. One day it gets too much and Quinn corners Rachel in the toilets with a strap on'

Rachel noticed that the prompt had been filled, followed by comments suggesting that it was only a matter of time before this really happened. Had Quinn been hinting that she secretly had feelings for Rachel? Maybe Rachel needed to let her down gently, she didn't want Quinn to get hurt because Rachel couldn't reciprocate her feelings. It was decided then, she would talk to her tomorrow.

Yet, the next prompt had Rachel even more stumped:

'Finn Hudson realises that the only reason he was attracted to Rachel Berry is because she has man hands. Finn decides to go after the real object of his lust: Noah Puckerman.'

Well, that one was stupid. Rachel's hands were perfectly feminine, thank you very much- just like the comment after the prompt said: 'Rachel Berry is a goddess! How dare you claim she has man hands!' It was slightly disheartening that Rachel firmly believed Jacob was the one that left that comment.

She couldn't read anymore, she wasn't sure how well she could handle the criticism.

Shutting down her laptop Rachel concluded that she would report the sight to Mr Schue tomorrow, hopefully he would be able to convince Principle Figgins to shut the sight down and possibly expel Jacob in the process.

She would have told her dads but Rachel knew they would want to see the site as proof and she couldn't let them witness the various kinky prompts that included her. One of her dads already had a weak heart and this would surely kill him.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

'Dude, when is Mr Schue gonna show up? I need to leave early, the 7/11 is having a sale on wine coolers that stops at 5. I need to stock up,' Puck whined, addressing no one in particular.

'I share your sentiments Noah. I to hope Mr Schue shows up soon as I have something extremely important to show him and I haven't been able to catch him all day,' Rachel said, clutching her laptop close to her chest.

'If this is you throwing a hissy fit over not having enough solo's and trying to convince Schue to give you mine, I'll quite, and then where would you be. You need twelve members remember.' Santana sighed, she liked Glee Club alright and while she knew she wasn't the strongest singer she wouldn't stand for Rachel taking away her solo.

'Actually Santana, my problem is much larger than solo's and benefits you all. Trust me, you should be thanking me for taking the appropriate actions against this injustice.'

Santana snorted. 'Yeah right.'

'Look, I won't go into details because it will only scar you but, I'm really just looking out for you all,' Rachel argued back.

'How?' Tina asked, curiosity getting the better of her.

'I can't tell you.'

Puck decided now was the time to speak up, 'Spit it out, Berry. Now even I'm intrigued.'

'No.'

'Just ignore her. We all know Rachel likes being centre of attention so don't give into her attempts at making us interested in whatever idea she's got that will blow the judges away at Nationals,' Kurt said, his voice a bored drawl as he braided Brittany's hair.

That was it, Rachel stood up, her laptop still clutched in her arms, and walked to the front of the class and began addressing the room.

'It has come to my attention that our fellow student body has been writing crude pornographic stories about me and this club. I was going to protect you and ask Mr Schue to shut it down but I guess you should know the lengths I will go to to keep the Glee Club's dignity intact.'

The room remained silent, eleven incredulous stares met Rachel as she stood her ground.

'I don't get it?' Brittany asked, looking around for Santana.

'I'm with Brittany, what crack are you on, Berry?'

Rachel huffed out a dramatic breath and marched back to her seat, opening her laptop as she sat down. 'I'm talking about this,' she said, indicating to the website she had left running.

The group crowded around and stared at the page.

'Rachel Berry and Jacob Ben Israel, trapped in a small closet. Rachel is claustrophobic but Jacob comforts her by fucking her,' Puck read slowly, his eyebrows shooting up, 'Dude, did you do the nasty with Jacob Ben Israel?'

Rachel rolled her eyes as Finn's expression changed into one of panic. 'Of course not. He's created a site that allows anyone to prompt kinky requests about anyone in this club for someone to fill. I told you all and this depraved form of-'

'Rachel, these are all about you,' Quinn interjected, taking the laptop and laying it on her own lap, 'There's absolutely nothing about the rest of us.'

'Turn to the next page and I assure you Quinn, you will be shocked to your very core,' Rachel implored.

'Ha!' Santana barked, 'This is hilarious. Rachel Berry and Finn Hudson with Rachel screaming Jacob's name at the top of her lungs as she orgasms.'

'Wait, Rachel's never done that… oh,' Finn realized, finally grasping what was going on, 'This is kinda gross.'

'Eww, I do not secretly lust after Rachel!' Quinn cried out, 'I'm so reporting this. That little perv needs to pay!'

'Look at this one. Santana Lopez fingering Brittany in the showers after Cheerio's practise- urgh, the spelling is atrocious. Who are these morons?' Kurt asked.

'I totally wrote that one,' Brittany stated in her usual monotone voice. The club all turned to stare at her. 'I thought it was a place where you write about all the sex you've had. Me and Santana totally did that.'

The club stared for a moment longer as Santana fixed her expression into something of defiance, but didn't really know how to respond to that.

'What's the web address?' Artie enquired, breaking the silence.

'Why? You wanna read about Santana and Brittany going at it?' Puck asked, his face turning from disgusted into something of interest.

Artie blushed, ducking his head, 'I just thought, instead of crowding around Rachel's laptop, I'll look it up on my iphone. I can't really see the screen and I wanna know what's going on.'

'You totally just wanna see if anyone prompted Tina riding you in your wheelchair,' Puck snickered, 'So, how many prompts include me and my guns. I bet all you ladies have had a go at one point, right?'

'Actually, most of the prompts including you are with Kurt,' Tina explained.

'What! I am not gay for Hummel'

'Trust me, I'm as disgusted as you are,' Kurt sighed, his cheeks already bright red from the multitude of kinky prompts including himself.

'Aww, this one is cute. Puck realises that all his years of bullying Kurt was just pigtail pulling, Puck makes it up to Kurt. I want the sex to be slow and sweet with Puck professing his eternal love for Kurt and calling him beautiful,' Tina cooed as the rest of the club were stunned into silence.

'Did you guys actually do that? Doesn't Kurt have the softest baby hands?' Brittany asked Puck.

'For the last time, I am not gay for Hummel!'

'And I am not gay for Berry, nor do I want to be fisted by her enormous man-hands!' Quinn yelled at the computer.

'I do not have man-hands' Rachel whispered. Why was she constantly accused of this?

'Oh, this is hilarious,' Mercedes laughed, 'Not one prompt has Puck paired with a girl, do you think this meme is trying to tell us something?'

'Not one prompt has you paired with anyone, do you think that is trying to tell us something?' Puck bit back.

Mercedes smile fell, imploring Brittany to try and comfort her. 'You can totally join me and Santana if you like. We've been looking for someone else-

'-Brittany, shut up!-' Santana interjected.

'- to have a threesome with. I wanna be double penetrated with two strap on's.'

'I think I'll pass,' Mercedes said, turning away from Brittany's dejected face.

The club remained silent for a while as they leafed through the pages and pages of prompts, only to be disturbed by Brittany's frequent, 'I've already done that.'

'This is garbage! Look, people even want to read about Kurt having an orgy with the cheerios but do I get paired with any female, no!' Puck yelled.

'You're getting extremely frustrated over a kink meme. You do know that just because people write this stuff it doesn't mean it'll come true,' Artie explained, not really sure why Puck was so angry.

'Yeah, of course, but does this school really think I'm gay?' Puck asked, worry in his tone as Kurt rolled his eyes.

'Look, you should take this as a compliment,' Kurt suggested. At Puck's confusion he continued, 'it's like how you watch girl-on-girl porn, you think it's hot. Girls probably think it's hot to see two guys and since I'm conveniently gay, it makes sense to pair us together.'

'So this means I'm still hot?'

Kurt sighed, 'of course.'

Puck smirked. 'Always knew you had a thing for me, Hummel.'

Kurt's eyes widened as he tried to splutter out an answer, only to be saved by Finn, 'Actually, I always thought you were a little gay. I mean, you're always commenting on other guys you see in the showers and comparing your length to them.'

Quinn snickered. 'I can actually believe that.'

'For the last freaking time, I AM NOT GAY!'

'The subject is obviously very sensitive for you, usually that's a sign of repressed homosexuality,' Artie said, smirking.

Puck growled at him, 'Do you want me to punch you in the face? Anyway, even if I was to bend Hummel over the piano and fuck him till he reached that high F,' Puck said, reading the prompts as he spoke, 'at least I'd still hold on longer than Hudson, here.'

Finn blushed. 'That prompt isn't true! I don't have a problem with premature ejunction, or whatever it is.' He turned to Rachel and pleaded, 'Tell them.'

'Finn is perfectly adequate in the bedroom department. I am always left satisfied,' Rachel stated.

Santana laughed, 'Rachel, that excuse would only work if the girl who took his virginity wasn't in the room, not that that night was very memorable. Finn lasted about ten seconds.'

'Also, I dated Finn. All I had to do was make out with him and he'd begin exploding,' Quinn explained in a bored tone.

Rachel huffed, 'I'll have you know, Finn has improved since then.'

'If Finn can last now, it's obviously cause your not enough woman for him, berry.' Santana said.

'I am… I. Finn? Tell them,' Rachel commanded as Finn tried to recover from his former embarrassment.

'Me and Rachel have great sex and I do not have any problems with arriving early,' Finn explained, before coming to a realisation, 'hang on, how does anyone else in the school know? Who could have prompted that?'

Quinn ducked her head.

'You told people!' Finn yelled, his arms waving around in a flustered manner.

Quinn looked up, fixing her expression into something more neutral. 'I was pissed that you kept flirting with Rachel when we were still together.'

'You cheated on me with Puck!'

'Dude, get over it. It happened years ago,' Puck argued back.

'It was only last year actually,' Finn said, kicking the nearest chair over before bending down to straighten it back up.

The group slowly turned back to reading the prompts, no one wanting to continue with the baby gate drama.

'Oh my god. This one sounds so hot,' Brittany moaned.

'Which one?' Tina asked, now looking over Artie's shoulder to view his iphone.

'Me, Santana and Kurt being spanked by Coach Sylvester after Cheerios practise.'

'What!' Kurt screeched as Brittany whispered to Santana about how to make that prompt come about.

'Look you guys. I think we need to stop reading these,' Rachel stated, taking back her laptop and closing it down, 'all this will do is damage our team morale. I will ask Mr Schue to do something about it but I don't think we should ever mention this again.'

'For once, I agree with Rachel. I'm in serious need of brain bleach,' Quinn remarked.

'Hey guys.' The group looked up as Mr Schue entered the choir room. 'I think we should start by practising last weeks number for nationals. Santana, you ready?'

'Erm, sure. Whatever,' Santana said dazedly.

'Are you guys all right?' Mr Schue asked when no one seemed enthusiastic about today's rehearsal. 'Rachel, do you want to tell me what's going on?'

'Well actually Mr Schue…' Rachel began, looking around at the class, most of whom were staring at their laps. Finn had his head buried in his hands, too ashamed over his most recent embarrassment, Kurt was giving himself a manicure, his cheeks even brighter than usual and Tina and Artie were still staring at Artie's iphone. Puck was… checking out Kurt?

Rachel couldn't find the words to explain what had happened and no one looked willing to help her. She doubted the group wanted to rehash their latest ordeal with Mr Schue, it was cringe worthy enough among their peers. 'Nothing, We're all fine.'

'Okay…' Mr Schue didn't look as though he believed her but didn't want to delve any deeper. 'Right, then, Santana?'

'Finn, come on.' Rachel growled down the phone to her boyfriend, 'it's not a big deal, who cares what anyone else says.'

'No, I can't. It's so embarrassing, everyone knows about the mailman.'

'Finn, the problem won't just go away. We need to keep practising.' Rachel sighed and picked up her pad of paper. 'I even made a list of all the things I want to try and things that could help… make you last longer.'

'Rach-'

'Like a cock-ring. If I place it around your penis-'

'Rachel! I do not want to wear a cock-ring!' Finn hissed down the phone, careful not to be heard by his mom.

'No one has to know.'

'That's what Quinn said about the mailman,' Finn said before realising what that implied.

'I am not Quinn! I can't believe you-

'-Rach-'

'- don't trust me,' she said, before hanging up the phone. 'Looks like it's just you and me tonight.'

Rachel's picked up her bubblegum pink vibrator that Puck had given her as birthday present -in an attempt to embarrass her as he made her open it in front of the entire club- and opened her laptop back up to the page where someone had wrote a detailed fic where she was dressed up as a naughty schoolgirl and Mr Schue was minding detention.

A/N: I don't have a beta or anything so if there are any major mistakes, please feel free to tell me. I'm pretty new t this writing stuff so reviews and constructive criticism are much appreciated.


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